Where do people like “us” – so to speak – get lost to? What is our triggers? Can it just be life? Being a young person (well kinda) being a Parkie and a person with mental illness in my past… things like life can make me feel lost. Lost how? Not necessarily literally, but life gets SO crazy – like it does for most of us – and I forget who I am, what I want… then those days hit where illnesses reveal their heads and I am reminded that I am again lost… lost out in the chaos of life.
My husband and I took on a new venture recently – becoming a foster parent. On top of being a parent already, going to school, starting up a photography business, and a foster parent – life IS chaos, to say the least! We have a little kid placed in our care that has a lot of needs and it has thrown me for a loop… mentally, physically. I’m tired. I am so happy to be doing this for him. The child is such a sweet child….
I am reminded by a blog that a friend shared with me on Facebook – http://www.kylethompsonphotography.com/ – that I need my creative outlet! I miss writing, and I need to take photos for my creative side not just for others as well. I love doing it.. all of it. Now how to be awake to do all these things?! That is the question…
Today I am reminded to love what you love, without ceasing… Today I am reminded how much I love writing and of course photography… (and DUH of course my family, but that’s a given). Remember what makes you happy – and do that!!! <3
He always makes me smile, and loves me no matter what!
I took this picture last weekend at of all things – a NAMI walk – was for awareness/support of mental illness. Just made me think how life seems like a balloon sometimes… how we just seem to float around and the wind just taking us where ever it feels like taking us, whipping us around at any moment not know where we land… do we land softly, do we just pop and hit the ground hard?
Hoping no matter where you float to you will land softly and happily…
All alone I sit
Waiting for the urge to fade…
Pain verges through my body
Shaking I try to find release
Lost amongst the world
searching for answers that never come…
will the pain ever cease?
Will the light be found?
haze fills my mind, my thoughts
waiting for release for the grips of evil…
I haven’t written anything in a long time… all things come back to feeling lost, alone, consumed… time and time again. Life’s roller coasters get so old, it’s not even funny. It’s just inevitable that the feelings of darkness return to a mind that is so conditioned in the past to turn to releases that are not so healthy. I thankfully can say that my grips did not last long this time… I have found light sooner this time, thankfully… Struggling to find positivity amongst people that SAY they are… I noticed last time I wrote (or within the last few posts) it was moaning about people and friends, blah, blah, blah… and I wanted to do the same today, but I have changed my mind. I have let it consume my mind too much today and I will not let it anymore.
Just telling myself that I will fulfill my dreams no matter who tries to stop me!! <3